27 March 2009

Cry Wolf

When people drop me off at my house at night-time they often very kindly wait until I'm inside and have turned a light on - presumably so I can see my attacker coming for me. I think is mostly because I never leave any lights on and their headlights create some light for me while I get in the door - where my attacker sits waiting patiently in the dark.

Anyway, I have polite and considerate friends and I'm grateful for that - as are my attackers.

I sometimes think how hilarious it would be if I had the sort of blinds on my front windows where you clearly see a silhouette behind them. Then I'd rig up some kind of system - don't ask me for details about the system, I'm an ideas woman! - so that I'd go over to the window and it would look like someone was knifing me in a murderous frenzy. Like in the shower scene from that film Psycho? You may have heard of it.

I'd try it out once on each friend, bringing them scrambling inside to my rescue. Then we'd all have a good laugh and it would become like a kind of running gag each time they dropped me off.

Until, of course, the day I actually was being knifed for real. Then, as I'm sure you're all aware, the joke would, sadly, be on me.


New Girl said...

Hopefully you would have enough time to explain the intricacies of the situation to the attacker before you perished. You know, to give him (or indeed, her) a full understanding of their role in this tragicomedy.

hazelblackberry said...

Oh, I certainly hope I would.

"Excuse me, I know you want to commence your violent psychosexual onslaught, but just listen to this. Seriously, you won't regret it."

k said...

Anyone say "wolf"?

hazelblackberry said...

Did you check my title? Harumph!

k said...

do you ever get the feeling I never actually pay any attention to you? cos you should.
(and yeah yeah yeah I know - you're looking forward to the day ..."I'm sorry your honour? Which one was my client?")