09 January 2008

Let the People Stare

New Girl has a DFM - Debilitating Fear of Moths - and bees don't do much for her either. These are exactly the type of insects bound to get caught up in the wispy, floating tendrils of her honey-gold hair - her flaxen locks - causing her to scream and shaving about five years off your life. It's particularly exciting when this happens in the car.

I'm sympathetic, given that my way of dealing with a huntsman indoors is to consider burning the entire house down and rebuilding in the style of a white hermetically-sealed pod with no creepy corners, just graceful curves everywhere.

We once concluded that the scariest animal in the world would be a huntsman riding on a bee's back.

Today as we walked to the sandwich shop I stumbled, seemingly over nothing, which is my way of doing things. New Girl looked concerned so I told her that I had been tripped by a moth, a moth holding out a huntsman's leg. The thought of this made her scream. But at least it was with laughter.


k. said...

Well if it happens in the car it could well shave a lot more than five years off your life, Haze

hazelblackberry said...

Unless, unbeknownst to any of us, I only have 5 years or less to live. Now wouldn't THAT be a surprise!

JahTeh said...

First thing you learn at Divorce School is how to get the huntsman spider out of the house, that's real spider not the ex. Not much difference really, they're both grey, ugly and seem to have too many appendages.