No, actually: SHE'S telling on YOU.

The kids next door have always been reasonably sweet. Dr Bellows, who must be about 10 or 11 now, still has a bed time story read to him and Moon Face, who is twelve, has a lot of cute pink stuff hanging up in her room. But sullen teenagerdom must be just round the corner.

I was out in the backyard when over the fence I heard Bellows say to Moon Face, "I'm telling on you." They're home alone - mum and dad aren't back from work yet. I don't know what old Moon Face could be up to, because she's a really good kid. It's usually Bellows who is facing the disciplinary committee. Anyway, Moon Face didn't say anything so Bellows made sure his message got across in his usual subtle fashion:

I'M TELLING ON YOU.
I'M. TELLING. ON. YOU.
I'M TELLING ON YOU.

Next thing I know things have moved indoors and there's a hell of a lot of unholy shrieking and yelling happening. I don't know why I get so frightened over horror movies; real life is waaay spookier. And these two haven't yet hit puberty - that's the scary twist at the end of this tale.

But wait, mum's home and I've just heard her yell Bellows' name in a very disappointed parental fashion. That's what we like to know: no matter how creepy everything seems, once the credits roll, order is restored. And someone's in tears.