Cut It Out, Shorty

So, back to Eddie Cochran. Another song he recorded, Cut Across Shorty, relates the travails of the plucky Shorty who engages in a cross-country race with an idiot called Dan all in the name of winning the hand in marriage of some "Miss Lucy" trollop.

Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:

Now a country boy called Shorty
And a city boy named Dan
Had to prove who could run the fastest
To win Miss Lucy's hand
Now Dan had all the money
And he also had the looks
But Shorty musta had somethin', boys,
That can't be found in books*

"Well, cut across Shorty, Shorty, cut across"
That's what Miss Lucy said
"Cut across Shorty, Shorty, cut across;
It's you I wanna wed" ....

But Shorty wasn't worried
There was a smile upon his face
He knew that he was going to win
'Cause Lucy had fixed the race

The plot to this song couldn't be any more absurd if it was an Elvis movie. If stupid Lucy wants to marry Shorty why can't there simply be a proposal, an acceptance and a small, private wedding? Why all the cross-country hoo ha just to make honest, hardworking Dan look like a fool? Really, these people need their heads read.

I rate this right up there with the creators of Dawson's Creek saying that it was just a coincidence that the central character, Dawson, shared the same name as the creek.


*I beg to differ. It's called the Karma Sutra. It all becomes clear now: it was a shotgun wedding.