Patently

Not to be outdone, DJ Pups and I have come up with an invention of our own: a sanitary napkin that holds an average bladder-full* of urine. It saves a gal the embarrassment of buying incontinence pads, is as slim-line as any other product on the market, can be used as a regular pad with fewer changes required, and eases the squeeze in those times when a regular toilet break just isn't possible.

What powers this revolutionary product is a space-age, ultra-absorbent, blue gel core known as "Eliminent". With Eliminent safely stashed in your mongrellies you need never fear any embarrassing leakages or squirming ever again.

The ad campaign will feature a spunky young girl trapped in a meeting, desperate for a comfort stop. Thanks to Eliminent, she can relax those pelvic floor muscles and get back to the business at hand. At the end of the ad, we see Ms Spunkster shaking the hand of some old geezer she's just dudded big-time in a business deal. As she turns to wink at the camera the voice over - a woman's deep-but-cheeky voice, much like DJ Pups' - will ask, "Does he know she just pissed her pants?"

(*Maximum capacity of average bladder yet to be determined.)