Let's Hear It for Tan Hands

So there's this guy at my work who is desperate to be mentioned here at Bex. Sad, isn't it? What with my world-wide readership of three, fame is about to come beating down his door.

He wanted to be known as Tan Hands, a name he's given himself as a result of deforming injuries he sustained in a self-tanning experiment gone horribly wrong. As they usually do. Like me and a bottle of Tanfastic! back in high school. I still shudder when people mention streaks.

But my excuse was, and still is, that I was fourteen.

I think I shall call him Hugh Grant. Not because he looks like Hugh Grant, but he sometimes gets this Pommy intonation to his voice that is Grantesque. Grumpy thinks everyone in WA gets the same Pommy intonation in their voice. Dammit, what would he know?

So now he's got his mention. But what to do with it? Well, one person he won't be telling is his brand new girlfriend. Because if she looked through the archives and saw this, I think she would know that a certain Hugh Grant with Tan Hands had been betraying confidences, now wouldn't she??