Then We Had Nachos

(1) New Girl and I are walking back to work after a fruitless search for a nice pastry to eat. It hurt me but I chose to have nothing. New Girl had settled on a rock cake - "I haven't had a rock cake in years!" - and then as she slowly chewed her way through the not-very-treaty treat we agreed that the main drawback to rock cakes is that they taste a hell of a lot like rocks. After this the conversation turned to grey hair and vanity. I told her the Aesop's Fable about the man with two wives: one would pluck out all his grey hairs and the other would pluck out all his black hairs until he was left completely bald.

"I would have thought grey hair was the least of his problems."
"Whaddya mean?"
"Oh come on - MONOGAMY!"

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(2) On another trip for food and other distractions the following conversation ensued:

hb: So, did you read that article in The Australian magazine about Subject X? It was really quite fascinating.
NG: Not yet. Summarise it for me.
hb: No. No way. Because then you'll start going on about well, did they consider this study or that major research or these findings and I won't be able to answer that because all I'm doing is summarising the this article that I read and I know nothing about the topic!
NG: No I won't, I promise. (Then in Irish accent): Oh go on. Go on, go on, go on.
hb: Well, okay... [Begins summarising article.]
NG: [interjects] Oh that is such crap. They've known that for years and anyway haven't they read the McFarglegargle Report which clearly refutes all those claims and is based on a study of 3 billion people over a thousand years. Well have they?? HAVE THEY???
[silence]
NG: What?
hb: You're doing it. You're doing what I said. I am never summarising anything for you ever again.
NG: Oh, I think you will, my pretty. I think you will.