Anyhow, have a Winfield.

Some people have no secrets.

Some people have secrets but you’d never know. They are discreet people. Or Unabombers. Whichever.

Some people have secrets and they like you to know they have secrets, but not what the secrets actually are. I find that somewhat irritating.

My friend Japanese Crackle is accidentally secretive. She thinks she’s told you things, that her life is an open book, and then is surprised when you don’t know something particularly astounding. She lives in Sydney and we don’t get to see each other very often. Most meet-ups with her end up with me being goggle-eyed about three-quarters of the way through the conversation when she slips into the flow of chatter, “Oh, did I mention…?”

“Did I mention I was a teen bride?”
“Did I mention I’m going out with a girl?”
“Did I mention I have a half-brother I’ve never met?”
“Did I mention my grandfather has put in a native title claim over Broome?”

Jaycee is in town for a conference and we met for dinner last night at Café Panache. Our evening was rolling along nicely when Jaycee mumbled something about Dustman and a baby. I didn’t quite catch her drift and told her so. She said, a bit more clearly this time, that she and Dustman were planning on having a baby. I can only imagine the look of utter bewilderment that settled on my face.

And then this: “Did I mention Dustman and I have been seeing each other since last Christmas?”

“Dustman? Dustman who is always hanging around and who, for the past seven years, you have ranted about being a complete nuisance and general pain in the posterior? This very same Dustman and you are now an item, so much so that you’re planning on having a baby? No. I don’t think you have mentioned it. I might have remembered.”

“Well, it’s just that we started sleeping together and it was kind of embarrassing after everything I’d said about him, and then at the end of last year he got a job in Canberra and told me it was all over and I suppose I started seeing him in a different light.”

“Did I mention he’s five years younger than me?”

The next time I see her I’m bring a checklist of controversial topics that we can go through right at the beginning. That way I’ll know whether I’m going to need a strong drink to get me through the next few hours.