You Got Good Taste

As I did a slow bake on the rotisserie, people would occasionally come along and peel strips of crackling from me. Apparently I was quite delicious.....

Hang on. Start again.

As I stood in the broiling sun at the auction, The Burp was trying out for Bert's Family Feud. She'd got together a team of her, The Burpmother, Bette Midler and Bette Midler's husband, Wheels, and they were doing their darndest to become one of the first WA families on The Feud.

The Burp had rung us earlier that morning to pick our brains for interesting stories or amusing facts about her that she could mention at the audition, to make them sound, you know, more marketable. Bette Midler had suggested she take a look through the blog archives - this blog, idiots! - and that had given her a couple of ideas. But she needed more, always more.

Firstly, I said to mention the fried rice. We were round at The Burp's and she'd dished up a scrumptious fried rice. Everyone was commenting on it and asking for the recipe. She was being quite coy. Eventually The Rooster stepped in to the fray and said, "If you really want to know how to make it, just ask our local Chinese take-away."

Then Grumpy came up with a blinder: "What about the Elephant Man?" he asked. "Yeeees!" The Burp and I screamed in unison. When The Burpmother was a young, swinging London lass, she had been known to step out with John Hurt. The Burp boasted about this at school one day and the catch cry became, "Burp's mum went out with the Elephant Man!"

I always thought that was a classic. Unfortunately, it turned out to be not quite good enough for Bert.

Sheesh. I'd hate to be writing his material.