For the Mature Skin

Sarah Ulmer likes bacon.

She hails from good Kojonup farming stock so she's true to her carnivorous roots. Once we were eating brekky and my meal happened to be somewhat on the fibrous side. SU ran a critical eye over my plate and asked, "Are you a vegetarian?" I assured her that I wasn't and almost added that even if I was, I'd have made the switch immediately. Just for her.

So we had brekky today at a place in Freo - Roasted Coffee Bar - that serves sheets of bacon. Whole bed sets' worth. And I ate my fair share, I promise.

I was moaning on and on about the sunburn I'd managed to get on the weekend. It's at the stage where it's still tender but starting to itch. So I kind of have to massage my chest in place of scratching, which is possibly something you want to keep to a minimum in public. I added that the very morning of the day on which the burn took place I'd noticed how wrinkly my chest was becoming, and admonished myself to keep sun exposure to an osteo-preventing minimum.

Sarah Ulmer nodded sympathetically and then told me how the other day her brother had watched her frantically applying various lotions and unguents - which is a word ranking right up there with moist - to her face and had commented on what all the effort was for. She turned to him, face dripping with restorative and healing creams, and wailed, "Because I'm getting pimples and wrinkles at the same time!!!"

And that, my good friends, is what a mid-life crisis is really all about.