Hammy

Facilitate. Now there's a word I can really loathe. Avec gusto.

And today I got to facilitate a panel discussion at a conference. Wait. I don't think conference needed to be in sarky italics.

So I rolled up, semi-prepared, and at the last minute the conference organiser came over and thrust a piece of paper in my hands. "There's been a slight change of plans," he said. "This man is a major sponsor here today and he'd like to say a few words before we begin your session. Would you mind introducing him?"

I looked down at the paper and saw that the guy was in the urinal business. This both amused me - because, come on, urinals are inherently amusing - and terrified me because it's not a word I use in every day chit chat and I've never been sure whether it's pronounced with a short or long i.

Only a minute until the start. Panic. Luckily I spotted a work colleague in the crowd and rushed over.

"Hey! Did you get a show bag? Check it out - it's got recycled toilet paper in it!"
"Funny you should mention it. On a related topic: is it urinal or ureyenal?"
"I don't think it matters but most people say ureyenal I suppose."

Bacon status: saved.

After one of the most dry - ha! - presentations I've ever suffered through I walked up to the lectern and said, "Well, I certainly hope the men in the room were paying attention." There was a lone snort from somewhere up the back.

Bacon status: a slight sizzling.