Last night I went out with a few family members for my cousin's birthday. We had Chinese ("Let me guess," said Grumpy, who gave the little shindig a miss, "You had sweet and sour pork." "How did you know; how did you know??"). Today I have the runs. This is most excellent. Mintox, even.
Anyway, when the cake came out blazing with candles and we all sang happy birthday, my grandmother, Don Mary, temporarily took leave of her senses and thundered out someone else's name. She and I were in hysterics, because we laugh at things like that. My cousin laughed too. But she was drunk.
Don Mary now has a hearing aid fitted. She's resisted this for some time. Bad hearing has afflicted her & all her sisters. Some vexingly earlier than others. But where they would all insist on everyone around them using genteel terms such as, "(I beg your) pardon?" - particularly as it relates to the gifting of rose gardens - or, "Would you mind repeating that?", they have all, to a woman, expressed the fact that they've missed what you said by loudly inquiring, "Ay???!"
These women all speak - or spoke - with polite voices. But when they say "Ay???!" they are the embodiment of my grandfather's advice: "You've got a nose, talk through it."
Even worse, Don Mary has taken to using the pre-emptive "Ay???!" As in:
"Good morni-"
"Ay???!"
"How a-"
"Ay???!"
But if she's vacuuming three rooms away and you lie face down in a pillow and whisper, "Don Mary, would you like a cup of tea?" she will surely bellow back, "Yes please, darling!"
How 'bout that, ay???!
9 comments:
Ah the runs: good in a game of cricket; elswhere, inconvenient. Not to mention incontinent.
Hope you're better. Although I can't help ponder what you meant by 'most excellent. Mintox, even.' Did you get the day off work or something?
Mintox, the Fresh Maker.
Bendix Mintox - the Best Known Name in Brakes.
Gotta love that selective hearing thing.
My mum was a bit like that. I would have to speak up to be heard yet if I played my music only just loud enough for me to hear it, it was too loud.
Can I interest sir in one more little Mintox, it cannot hurt.
Most rad!!
superfreo, I to feel a chill down my spine when I hear, let alone see that word in print. I always imagined it to be be something that would go nicely with a lamb roast.
Ace!
Gotta love the selective hearing thing. I believe that it is a skill we can all develop. Mrs Smiley is pretty good at it too. I am trying to develop a deafness to hearing the Crown Prince cry, but I think it needs more work...
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